Archive for the 'Short Form Funny; Written' Category

Learning is good and so is humor. That’s the goal below.

How to be good at being a fitness trainer

  1. Do you agree with the statement? : If you are beautiful on the inside, no one cares, but if you are beautiful on the outside it makes everyone happy. If yes, continue.  If not, check your values- this is 2012 folks.
  2. Skim a weightlifting book.
  3. Doesn’t matter which one.
  4. Say the word “core”  at least every three sentences.
  5. Never work out with your client because you have already worked out today.  Twice.
  6. Tell your client to eats lots of salmon, quinoa, and kale.
  7. Design specific protein window schedules for your clients.
  8. Sleep with your client if it is mutually agreeable. Make sure it’s a core workout.
  9. As you now know it’s all about reps.  Start at Step 2.

 

Where do you go from here?

Recipe for tongue tacos at 3 AM.

Open your cooking book titled Don’t.

Bachelor Tip #16

When you need to fart on dates 1-16 (plus or minus 93), go outside.  I don’t care what the excuse is.  Just do it.  Otherwise you end up with that weird thing where you fart up into your body.  It sounds like stomach grumbling but you just ate.  It happens again and again. It will inhabit your airwaves if it goes long enough.  I’ve heard it happen.   Either way, now you have no idea what she’s talking about. None.

See?

Everyone will feel better about it.

Everyone is entitled to a breath of fresh air.

“Case Closed.”

Later on there will be a discussion of when to “have that talk” sometime between dates 1-16 (plus or minus 93)

Montgomerie

Do you see what happens when you hold a fart inside?