Archive for the 'Uncategorized' Category

You have questions, I have jokes.

How to be good at being a philosopher

1)  Do you understand the concept of an “if/ then” statement?  If so, continue. If not, you likely don’t understand this statement either.
2)  Wear pants that are not quite long enough.
3)  Pretend you are above sex.
4)  Be from Germany.
5)  Talk about the concepts of “good” and “bad”.
6)  Turn these discussions into a 300 page book.
7)  Repeat steps five and six until death, which is “bad”.

To be sure, the youth are our truth tellers.

I am writing a book.

It’s called

You Are Always Being Who You Are:
#TryHardBeNice

Working Cover Photo:

Impressions depend on Perspectives

 

 

 

How to be good at being a supremely physically attractive male

1)      Do you have wide, hard shoulders, that cut where your oblique meets your hip (if you have to ask, you don’t), great hair, wonderful bone structure, clear skin, 2 days stubble and eyes that make women think they are having a warm drink overlooking an alpine lake?  If yes, read on and please, for once, realize how lucky you are.  If not, continue living in normal reality.

2)      Don’t be super religious.  It’s just a waste.

3)      Wear protection.  Unless you just want to “go for it.”  That, though,  is the wrong answer to a math problem.

4)      Know that your  pickup line is either simply looking a woman in the eye or saying “Hi, my name is (insert your one syllable name)”

5)      Be mysterious. How?  Don’t say too much.

6)      Don’t go bald, it’s bad for your look.  Unless you’re Jason Statham.

7)      Keep a calendar to keep track.

8)      Marry late.

9)      Have unprotected sex.

10)  Teach this all to your son.

These dogs do not hunt.

 

This is what an extra raw first draft looks like:

When you try to be funny by explaining it, it doesn’t work.  Stay away from indefinite articles as well.

 

LMNOP should be one letter

Let it breath

I hunt pigeons as a passion.

Danger lurks in our midst at the park and by our feet.

How to be good at skateboarding

1) Are you under 25 years old? If yes, continue. If not, buy a bike.

2) Put a hat on askew.

3) Pretend like you care about nothing

4) Drop your pants to the middle of your ass crack.

5) Make sure you are doing #4.

6) Smoke a cigarette.

7) Never wear elbow pads, knee pads or a helmet when trying super hard aerial moves in a concrete pool.

8) Don’t talk too much.

9) Stop skating on your 25th birthday.

Stop it.
Any speed is too fast.

Moses Malone

Step away from the rebound train.  It is moving at the speed of Don’t mess with the best because the best don’t mess.

Recipe for tongue tacos at 3 AM.

Open your cooking book titled Don’t.

Starting this website

Thank you for reading this, unless you are not.

Yup, this is the beginning.  Not sure about the end.  Although you probably didn’t read this part first. Before it gets away from me:

I want to collaborate (and listen).

I want my friends to post funny things that happened to them.

I want funny videos not involving cats.

I will be blogging under various titles.

—————— “Case Closed”

-Orin Moore, whenever I finish something

 

This is my first post.

I am trying to be funny right now.  Trying is not doing. Or is it?

Perhaps distraction is needed at this point.

Life is as it is.