How to be good at being an Evangelical Christian

1)      Can you take as fact that a piece of bread that you put in your mouth is the body of a man who was born 2012 years ago and the wine you drink is his blood?  If yes, continue.  If not, your grip on reality is real. Unfortunately you are also existentially alone in this universe and life has no meaning.
2)      Read the entire Bible.  Old and new.
3)      Start arguments by saying “The Bible says…” and ignore the fact that the Bible also advocates, among other truly abominable things, slavery and genocide.
4)      Geno·cide [jen-uh-sahyd] n.” the deliberate and systematic destruction, in whole or in part, of an ethnic, racial, religious or national group of people.
5)      Do not wonder why god is male or the first Anglo Saxon to have lived in the Middle East.
6)      Live in the name of your male god.
7)      Return to the dark ages.
8)      See how much it sucked.
9)      Come over to the agnostic side; it’s warm over here.

This dude does not look Middle Eastern.  How’s that work?

Oh yeah, it’s that crazy Christianity again.

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